Job Hunting

Dear Micah and Liam -

It's been a while since I've written to you. I knew that it would happen this way. Sometimes life gives us time to breathe and reflect, and sometimes we're just along for the ride, hoping that we can just say we made it out alive at the end of a day.
Your dad and I have been having a lot of discussion lately about me going back to work. I really need to find something that brings in more money because, unfortunately, my reward for watching you grow up and getting to be part of the process is not monetary.
It breaks my heart. I know that you guys will be okay. Micah, you have been in daycare before and I loved that experience for you. I loved you had friends there and teachers that loved you and a safe place to spend your day.
But oh, how I have treasured being at home with you both. I have loved that I have been there for the trains and the games and the lunches and the naps and the firsts and the seconds and the thirds of everything that you've done. It breaks my heart to be in the position where I can't always be with you. Even when the days have been challenging and I have known without a doubt that my life would be easier if I went to work, I have never regretted being home with you.
Both Daddy and I wish that this didn't have to happen this way, that life would be a little different. But sometimes we don't get our wish, the coin toss doesn't go our way, and life deals us a hand that we would rather not play.
We're in Pittsburgh as I write this, having come up for a sad reason. But the extra time away from home has given me time to reflect and begin to prepare myself for a new season in life, a season that involves being more than just your mom, and having a professional identity again.
So I want to ask your forgiveness in advance. I want to say that I'm sorry for the times that I can't be there. Know it's not a choice, but a necessity that keeps me from spending all of my minutes with you. But also know this - my choice comes in renewing my vow to completely cherish the minutes that I do have, because they will be even that much more precious to me when I don't have as many as I used to have.
Thank you for understanding. I love you so much, and am so happy God chose me for your mom.

Love,
Mommy