Honesty

"Honesty is the best policy."

Undoubtedly, this is a saying that you will hear, and maybe even speak, many times through the course of your lives. It's been around forever, but lately I've been thinking about how often the advice is actually heeded - or not.

I'm listening to a book on CD while in the car. Usually not with you guys because your constant chattering makes it hard to listen to anything but you, and I'd rather talk to you anyway! But when I happen to get away by myself, I listen to this book. Like many other novels, the main character is keeping a major secret from those he has grown close to in the small town where he lives. The secret is eating away at him and, while I haven't finished the book yet, I know that at some point towards the climax of the book, the secret is finally going to be spilled with uncertain consequence.

The thing is, this secret isn't that big of a deal and while I'm enjoying listening to something that doesn't rhyme or doesn't have Mickey Mouse's voice anywhere in it, I'm struggling to figure out why this main character just doesn't come clean with his secret. Or why we all don't.

I am convinced that when something major happens to a person, he needs an outlet to process what's going on. That outlet doesn't necessarily have to be a person - he could start a blog! :) But keeping big things inside and not working through the feelings and effects that are natural part of a life-changing event is just not healthy. Furthermore, depending on what the secret is, keeping it usually only ends up hurting those we love, those who have trusted that they are part of an inner circle where truth reigns.

Don't get me wrong. I think that there is a time and a place for full disclosure. You might not want to walk into your job one day and spill your deepest, darkest secrets to your spouse. You probably shouldn't confide the things you keep closest to your heart to your college roommate on the first day that you meet him.

However, your spouse and those who you have chosen to trust as close friends deserve your honesty. They are expecting it from you as part of the unspoken deal we have with one another when we make relational commitments with one another. And inevitably, it's more painful to have the secret forced out than it is to just put it out there and learn to live with it. And if there's one thing I know, it's that the secret will always come out.

So as you grow, and as you learn to develop deep relationships with one another, with us as your parents, and with people you choose as your friends, remember that honesty still really is the best policy. Some adages actually are true.

Love,
Mommy