The deeper meaning of blankets

Dear Micah and Liam -

Before I became a mother, I used to have a lot of sympathy for the poor, oppressed, and sick in our country.  I have always considered myself to be someone with a compassionate heart, ready to do things for others so they will know that they are not alone in this world, that someone cares for them and is watching out for them in some small way.

Fast forward to August 2007.  I always used to hear people talking about the love that a parent feels for her child immediately upon welcoming them into the world, and I finally got to experience that firsthand when Micah was born.  But I noticed another change almost instantly after holding Micah for the first time.  That change was my level of empathy for mothers around the world who cannot provide the basics for their children, whatever the reason.


Because I language has always fascinated me and because I believe you should always be learning, here's a vocabulary lesson for you: "sympathy" is the act of sharing the same feelings as someone else, whereas "empathy" is the act of vicariously placing yourself in someone else's shoes so that you can truly know what they are experiencing.  People will often use these words interchangeably in our culture, but they are not.

When I became your mother, I switched teams.  I used to be on team Sympathy, where I could share a feeling with another person, but couldn't really understand what it meant to go through what they were going through in life.  Now I'm on team Empathy, and the level of emotion is so much deeper.  Instead of just thinking, "I know how that person feels," now I think, "O my goodness, what that person is experiencing breaks my heart."  This is especially true when it comes to seeing parents, in particular mothers, who love their children with all of their hearts and are trying so hard but cannot provide even the basic needs for their kids.  Seeing these circumstances, and you do a lot in church work, literally wrenches my insides.

This afternoon, as I was walking through the buildings at Holy Innocents' making sure everything was in place for Sunday, I went into the sanctuary on my way to the sacristy.  Laying on the altar were at least two dozen blankets that the quilting group in the church had made for the children staying at "A Kid's Place", a local organization that houses mothers and children who have nowhere else to turn.  This group has made a promise that every child who enters "A Kid's Place" will receive their own quilt.

Walking through the sanctuary, seeing these blankets so lovingly stitched together, my heart began to ache; I felt so much empathy it almost overwhelmed me.

I ached for and empathized with all the babies who so little to call their own, and will depend on these blankets for warmth in the years to come.

I ached for and empathized with all of the mothers, who must spend sleepless nights watching over their children, wondering how they are going to provide for them.

I ached for and empathized with the families who have been torn apart by this crazy economy, by the wars all over the world, by situations of abuse.

And as I fingered the blankets, I pictured the two of you, my boys, and I briefly allowed myself to imagine what it would feel like if I could not provide for your most basic of needs; what if I could not keep you warm?  You see, blankets provide a lot of different things.  They offer warmth, protection, safety. Symbolically they offer love.  They offer a tangible reminder that someone loves you enough to want you to stay warm and protected from the chills of life.  What if I could not give you a simple blanket so that you would know how much I love you?

The bottom line is that I can't set up permanent residence in Empathy, but must make it a point to pass through often so that I'm reminded of all that I have and all that is expected of me.  I'm thankful that I can do this for you.  I pray for those who mothers who cannot, and make frequent contributions to organizations or groups that provide for the less fortunate.  And I am trying to teach my two beautiful boys to learn how to blanket the world with their own love, so that they can become empathetic young men who understand that a blanket is more than a piece of fabric.

Love,
Mommy