Little Moments, Big Picture

Dear Micah and Liam -

Lately I've been thinking a lot about what you will remember from your childhood.

I'm sure there's not a lot that we've done to this point that either of you, especially Liam, would remember since your brains aren't completely capable yet of storing memories. I suppose that's why we take so many pictures - our attempt to freeze time and help you to remember. But I also know that Daddy and I are laying the groundwork for what will hopefully be some wonderful recollections for you in the years to come, training ourselves as to how to create great experiences for you.

At the same time, however, I know that a lot of the things I remember from my childhood weren't the big trips or the grand moments. I remember my dad drying my hair at night after bathtime. I remember decorating cookies in the kitchen at Christmastime, my mom churning them out quicker than Aunt Heidi, Uncle Ryan, my grandmother and I could paint them. I remember lighting sparklers in the backyard, celebrating birthdays, and family card games.

What I am most conscious of with the two of you right now is trying to live in the moment - trying to play trucks or help you walk or teach you how to use a toy or make time for a stroll around the block to point out all the fun stuff like mail trucks and trees and anthills.
What I am afraid of is you remembering the not-so-good moments, where I have been frustrated and lost my cool and yelled at you when I shouldn't have. The moments where, for a variety of reasons none of which had anything to do with you, I wasn't in the mood to be a parent, and that showed in the way that I reacted to something you said or did.

My request is that you forgive the moments of impatience and frustration. You don't have to forget them; they may shape you in a variety of different ways and even if they don't, they are part of your unique experience. But in forgiveness comes redemption, a chance to look at the world through new eyes again.

I am grateful for the chance to start over again today with you, to treat today like the new day that it is, and work on being the best mom I can, because you deserve nothing less.

And I hope that one day, when you're grown, you can look back on your childhood and have a few really cherished memories of what it was like to grow up in our family.

Love,
Mommy